


Dirty Picture

by penelles



Category: Family Guy (Cartoon)
Genre: M/M, Not Suitable/Safe For Work, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Public Blow Jobs, Sexting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-03-08 23:05:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18904504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penelles/pseuds/penelles
Summary: Brian gets some naughty texts at the dinner table. PWP





	Dirty Picture

**Author's Note:**

> This contains graphics so if nsfw art skeeves you out or if you're reading this in public...probably...don't.
> 
> This is also dumb and I apologize.

When Brian's phone dings for the first time that evening, the family is not quite halfway through dinner. Lois has been gossiping about discord between Bonnie and Joe, and Meg's been trying to chime in here and there, but for their part, all of the Griffin men have their eyes cast down at their plates, disinterested as they shovel chicken alfredo into their mouths.

So when the dog finally picks up his phone, swiping to unlock the screen with unassuming nonchalance, an image of the family's youngest son in drag is not what he'd been expecting.

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** Whatever Stewie, get down here  
**Stephanie)** Jackass  
  
**Stephanie)** Love you though  
  
May 20, 2019 11:39 PM  
  
[lewd image of Stewie]  
  
[lewd image of Stewie]  
  
May 21, 2019 6:09 PM  
  


He nearly chokes on his food - _does_ choke - managing to turn off the screen before the phone flies out of his paw and skitters across the table, knocking Meg's still-full glass of fruit punch to the tabletop and making her jet back from the table.

"Ew! _Brian!_ "

The dog makes a clumsy grab for the phone - one of its corners soaking idly in punch - but Chris is the one to reach it first. He dangles it by its dry edge with two chubby fingers as though it was diseased, eyes alight as he processes what to do with the thing.

Peter laughs in a childish trill, pointing and jeering at "Stainy Shirt Meg."

Brian's still choking.

Lois rolls her eyes and sighs out in annoyance, inconvenienced but too much the responsible adult to let someone else handle the spill. She goes to the kitchen and returns promptly with paper towels, muttering, "Dammit, Brian, be careful, will you? On my new tablecloth, too..."

In the meantime, Meg's run upstairs to change out of her stained shirt as Lois wipes up the mess, and Chris is still in custody of the dying dog's phone; in the commotion, Stewie's managed to hop his high chair over closer to his partner in crime.

"Get ahold of yourself," he hisses, but both he and Brian pale when Chris asks,

"Who's Stephanie?"

Brian expends what energy he has in the moment to snatch his phone out of Chris' hold, heaving a sigh of relief; doesn't answer Chris until he's back in his chair, composed - heart rate under reasonable control.

"No one," he says. And then because he knows that isn't a proper enough response, "Just someone I'm seeing."

"Uhn hm," Chris hums, in what Brian chooses to interpret as acceptance.

When had Stewie sent that photo? He runs the question through his mind over and over - had Brian truly been so absorbed in the mundanity of his meal that he hadn't noticed Stewie on his phone? Well, that was the Griffin way.

"What's this one like, Brian?" Peter asks, "Smart and ugly, or dumb and hot?" Lois snorts and shares a high five with her husband, and Brian scowls at them.

"Ha ha, you know, this is why I stopped talking to you guys about who I'm dating."

He side-eyes the kid; Stewie doesn't look at him at all, popping the last of his baby carrots into his mouth.

Hard to believe the boy beside him is the woman in Brian's texts messages; the seductive bleach blonde hussy who's just sent him a series of lewd, half-naked selfies of herself with the new Bad Dragon dildo she'd stolen Brian's credit card to buy.

Too much eyeliner around those smokey eyes.

Lipstick smeared at the corners of her mouth and along the shaft of the toy.

Brian shovels pasta into his mouth, vying to distract himself with the taste of the meal this hussy's mother has prepared for him. It's…garlicky? Yeah. And the Parmesan is definitely overshadowed with some other kind of herb. It's creamy--

It's hot.

Goddamn, those photos are fucking hot.

His index finger bounces anxiously atop his phone, until finally between bites, he gets the nerve to unlock the screen. He texts furiously to push the images up out of the chat window.

Stephanie  
  
[lewd image of Stewie]  
  
**Brian)** HEY  
  
**Brian)** What the hell are you doong?!!  
  
**Brian)** Sendinf those to me at dinner  
  
**Brian)** Are you out of your mind!  
  
May 21, 2019 6:16 PM  
  


Stewie's phone is on silent, Brian figures. It doesn't vibrate - doesn't make a sound - but he can see the little blue notification light flashing slowly, and he can see that Stewie notices it as well. The kid doesn't reply right away, simply looks over in bemusement at the dog who's been staring much too suspiciously at him.

" _What?_ "

Brian's glare lowers to the boy's phone - eyes flashing with an obvious telepathic hint - but when Stewie gives no sign of responding, he opts to turn casually back to his dinner, drowning his thoughts in his martini this time.

Cold and slightly bitter and goes down easily--

Not unlike Stewie, he smirks.

Brian's phone dings again, then, and this time the entire family watches as Brian slowly reaches for it, expecting another catastrophic performance. Chris holds his glass of soda tight to the table.

"Yeah, yeah," Brian deadpans, swiping his phone screen on. "I'm not going to spill anything again."

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** HEY  
  
**Brian)** What the hell are you doong?!!  
  
**Brian)** Sendinf those to me at dinner  
  
**Brian)** Are you out of your mind!  
  
**Stephanie)** Brian, calm down.  
  
**Stephanie)** Jesus  
  
May 21, 2019 6:20 PM  
  


Lois is the first to continue eating, talking about tomorrow's weather with food in her mouth. As the rest of the family likewise relaxes into their seats, Brian takes a moment to text Stewie back, brow furrowed; insulted by Stewie's blasé attitude.

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** Are you out of your mind!  
  
**Stephanie)** Brian, calm down.  
  
**Stephanie)** Jesus  
  
**Brian)** quit trying to embarrass me in front of the family  
  
**Stephanie)** I thought you'd want to know that the package came  
  
(and so did I ;-D)  
  
**Stephanie)** you paid for it after all  
  
**Stephanie)**...You didn't like the pics?  
  
May 21, 2019 6:22 PM  
  


He lowers his phone, refusing to play ball until they're alone together; refusing to acknowledge the coil of arousal swirling in his gut when his mind wanders back to the images in his chat log. Stewie was always doing this to him; jerking him around. No matter how attractive, the kid had to know his actions had consequences.

Brian eats a little more, drinks a little more; he tries to strike up a conversation more interesting than the weather to distract himself from the infant terror at his side. "Hey Peter, I heard the brewery--" 

But just then, Meg rejoins them at the table, finding half of her meal on her brother's plate. "Chris, you bastard!" She balls her fists and cries out, "Mom, Chris stole my dinner--!"

Peter laughs, ignoring what the dog had been about to say. "It wouldn't hurt you to lose a few, Meg."

"Mom!" Another cry. "Chris, give it back!"

She grabs her brother's plate from him, pasta and protein sloshing about onto Meg's plate and the table simultaneously.

Chris grunts as he tugs his plate back, "Okay, Meg. You can have your food back." There's an impish tone to his voice as he opens his mouth and forks half-chewed chicken and noodles onto Meg's plate.

He laughs at his sister screams, pushing her chair back in a frenzy, ready to curse the entire family out, when Lois stands as well, hands on her hips.

"For God's sake Meg, there's more in the kitchen. Chris, that's enough."

In the commotion, Stewie's pushed his plate as far away from him as possible on his tray. "Eugh," he groans, "you can have mine. I've lost my appetite."

As Lois leaves to retrieve the extra food from the stovetop, nobody seems to notice that the youngest son has slipped away from the dinner table--

Except for Brian.

He's become all too aware of Stewie's presence in his life - or lack thereof - since The Togethering: the kid's term for their unorthodox courtship. Stewie's made himself much more available since then, in more ways than one: not unwanted attention, just attention on a level Brian hasn't experienced before. He's incessantly demanding, but generous and sweet. Filthy, but just...absolutely perfect in the most unexpected ways. Brian would have counted himself lucky to have lewd photographs sent to him from any of his exes - Stewie sends them frequently and unsolicited.

Sometimes to Brian's detriment.

But although he's aware that Stewie has left the dinner table, Brian isn't sure just where he's gone until his phone vibrates once more and he unlocks the screen to find another photo message…of his legs from under the dining room table.

Stephanie  
  
**Stephanie)** Jesus  
  
**Brian)** quit trying to embarrass me in front of the family  
  
**Stephanie)** I thought you'd want to know that the package came  
  
(and so did I ;-D)  
  
**Stephanie)** you paid for it after all  
  
**Stephanie)**...You didn't like the pics?  
  
[lewd image of Stewie]  
  
**Stephanie)** Have you got a half-chub dog?  
  
May 21, 2019 6:27 PM  
  


Brian drops his utensils, letting them clatter loudly against his ceramic plate.

"Geez," Peter says. "Jumpy tonight, buddy?"

"Is it because of Stephanie?" says Chris.

Stephanie  
  
[Brian's feet from under the table]  
  
**Stephanie)** Have you got a half-chub dog?  
  
**Brian)** Get out from under the table  
  
**Stephanie)** D'you think Chris saw anything?  
  
**Brian)** Phone was locked. Prbly just saw tour name on the lock screen  
  
**Stephanie)** Do you think anyone's noticed I'm gone?  
  
**Brian)** Do they ever?  
  
May 21, 2019 6:29 PM  
  


Brian dabs at the corner of his mouth with a napkin, taking another long sip from his martini glass immediately after. "I'm, uh," he chews on his lower lip in thought. "I guess I am a little jumpy, I-- You know, this is my first drink all day. Maybe it's hitting me harder than usual."

Lois scoffs.

"I know what you mean, Brian," Peter says. "If I don't have a constant buzz, I start to see things in squiggles."

"...You know? That is exactly my problem, Peter."

Brian smiles and raises his martini to mirror Peter's can of beer in the air; draws from his glass, then, but it doesn't stay in his mouth for long; he does a spit take before he can swallow it down.

Shock and panic sweeps through him as he jolts in his seat at Stewie's touch from below the table; adrenaline beating his heart ragged as he can feel tiny hands reaching over the chair he's sitting on, rubbing at his groin in ticklish, deliberate strokes.

"Brian I think it might be best if you eat from your bowl tonight," Lois says flatly, eyes narrowed at him while Meg reels from having nearly been backwashed on.

"N-no, no, Lois, I'm sorry, I--" Brian sputters, not wanting to face the indignity of having the family see his mounting arousal, "I am…good."

He breathes deeply, repeating, "I'm good. A-and while you have the extras out here, can I get a bit more chicken?"

It's insane for him to think it, but Brian knows - as Lois is leaning over the table to dish out more of the chicken alfredo onto his and Peter's plates - the dog is unbelievably, shamefully turned on and desperate to remain seated at the table.

When he texts Stewie back, he turns off slightly to the side, trying to hide his actions from the family. If he can avoid anymore prying questions about who the girl he's texting is, or why he's acting so strangely, it would certainly make this whole situation easier--

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** Youv  
  
**Brian)** You've seriously gotta stop  
  
**Brian)** Can you imagine if they notice this? How the hell am I supposed to explain this  
  
**Brian)** Okay??  
  
**Brian)** Stewie??  
  
**Stephanie)** You're so cute when you're flustered Brian…I told you to get ahold of yourself  
  
**Stephanie)** But you don't seem capable  
  
**Stephanie)** So I'm getting ahold of you for you ;-)  
  
May 21, 2019 6:33 PM  
  


The sinful cocktail of Stewie's delicate touch and the circumstances surrounding his actions is infinitely more potent than his martini. It makes him feel high; is enough to get him completely hard. He can feel tiny fingers walking up his unsheathed cock, stopping at the tip and rubbing softly back and forth over tender flesh, teasing.

All of the dog's muscles stiffen, forcing himself not to erupt into a groaning, shaking mess in front of the family. Chris and Meg might not catch on - hell, even Peter probably wouldn't - but Lois is smarter. Lois has the capacity to see Brian for the desperate, horny mutt that he is, and if anyone were to call him out for it, it'd be her.

In a way, that makes this even hotter.

Stephanie  
  
**Stephanie)** You're so cute when you're flustered Brian…I told you to get ahold of yourself  
  
**Stephanie)** But you don't seem capable  
  
**Stephanie)** So I'm getting ahold of you for you ;-)  
  
**Stephanie)** I think this is the fastest you've ever been, Bri.  
  
**Stephanie)** Youre really hot for this aren't you?  
  
**Brian)** Of course not  
  
[Stephanie is typing...]  
May 21, 2019 6:36 PM  
  


Stewie has to stifle a snicker from under the table. He gives the dog's cock a squeeze that lets Brian know his lie hasn't gone unnoticed. He kneads at Brian's hips to incite a reaction, digging too harshly into tight muscles.

Stephanie  
  
**Stephanie)** So I'm getting ahold of you for you ;-)  
  
**Stephanie)** I think this is the fastest you've ever been, Bri.  
  
**Stephanie)** Youre really hot for this aren't you?  
  
**Brian)** Of course not  
  
**Stephanie)** Right  
  
**Stephanie)** Lol  
  
**Brian)** Yeah the thought of going to prison gets me hot  
  
**Stephanie)** You joke, but here we are  
  
May 21, 2019 6:37 PM  
  


Peter has since gone to the fridge for another beer and come back, holding one out down the table for Brian to take. "Don't wanna be runnin' on empty."

It's true, Brian's martini is almost finished - he chugs the rest of it down and cracks open the can to disguise a groan when he feels the warmth of one of Stewie's hands on his balls, the other holding his cock upright and firm.

The kid's tongue is on him, then, pressing lightly to the underside of him, making Brian throb with need and grip his fork tight. He grits his teeth and does his best to remain calm.

He imagines it must be a bit of a reach for the boy to do much more than this - Stewie probably down there on the tips of his toes, struggling to keep hold of him - and Brian prays that that's true. Sure, the attention feels good, but as long as it's not enough for him to get off to, he's thankful. Orgasming in front of his family never was on his bucket list.

...Stewie wouldn't really make him go through with _that_ , would he?

Stephanie  
  
**Stephanie)** You joke, but here we are  
  
**Stephanie)** How's it going up there  
  
**Brian)** You're fuckimh insand  
  
**Stephanie)** I wish I could see your face…  
  
**Stephanie)** Take a selfie for me >:)  
  
**Brian)** No  
  
**Stephanie)** Come onnn I'll make it worth your while  
  
May 21, 2019 6:41 PM  
  


Brian sighs.

With Stewie's ministrations slowing and becoming less intense, Brian's able to shovel a few more mouthfuls of pasta down his gullet. Lois and Peter are talking about something among themselves now, and Chris and Meg are bickering back and forth about Connie D'Amico and her gang of skanks at school. He feels almost normal when he clicks the Camera app on his phone and sends "Stephanie" a selfie.

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** No  
  
**Stephanie)** Come onnn I'll make it worth your while  
  
[Brian's bemused selfie]  
  
**Brian)** There  
  
**Stephanie)** That's not quite what I expected  
  
**Stephanie)** Give me something sexy to work with  
  
**Stephanie)** Here, try again in a sec.  
  
[Stephanie is typing...]  
May 21, 2019 6:43 PM  
  


The dog is going to text back, when suddenly Stewie's mouth is swallowing him down so wet and hot and deep that he can feel the tip of his cock brushing against the kid's uvula.

The whiplash of such a blessed sensation makes Brian bolt up in his seat, gripping the table's edge so tightly that his nails begin to dent the wood. His breath comes in heavy exhalements but he remains otherwise silent through Stewie's sublime torture; the kid retracting slowly from his cock and plunging back down in quick succession.

Once--

Twice--

The heat from Stewie's fingers leaves the fur of Brian's thighs damp, and his mouth leaves the dog's cock bobbing and cool against his abdomen. He's acutely aware of the softness of his partner's cheek against his cock; tries to subtly rock his hips against the kid without drawing attention to himself. He can see the dots at the bottom of the chat window signifying Stewie is typing; his phone vibrates shortly after.

It's a photo he receives next - one that makes his eyes open wide, makes him sweat under his collar and turn off his phone in an instant: Stewie, smug with the dripping tip of Brian's cock pressed to his rosy, slick lips.

Stephanie  
  
**Stephanie)** Here, try again in a sec.  
  
**Stephanie)** Selfie?  
  
**Brian)** Djdbt take on  
  
**Brian)** Didnt take one  
  
**Brian)** Fuck  
  
**Stephanie)** You're no fun, Bri  
  
[Lewd photo of Stewie]  
  
**Stephanie)** Pleeease stop  
  
May 21, 2019 6:45 PM  
  


Brian's tail starts to wag against the back of his chair as he downs some more Pawtucket, growing anxious and impatient for release as the family nears the end of their dinner. He's going to warn Stewie that he'd better hurry up - maybe call him a little slut or something to really rev the kid up - but then Stewie's mouth is enveloping him once more, taking him in quickly to the knot.

It sends a shock over the dog's frame; the flat of Stewie's tongue pressed to the underside of the dog's cock as if it were glued there, running back and forth over every inch as he pulls up to the tip and bobs back down.

And Brian can't help himself; slams his fist against the table making his dinnerware jump and clatter.

"Holy shit--!" he clamours. "This chicken is so-- fucking-- good--!"

He's got four sets of curious eyes focused solely on him - sweaty and quivering and taking another shaky drink of beer - but actual outspoken criticisms? He receives none.

Non-existent God bless the Griffins.

"Oh," Lois actually smiles, then, dense as she wallows in the compliment. "Thank you, Brian! See, Peter? At least someone knows how to show their appreciation for a free meal."

"Free with my money," Peter mumbles, scraping his plate clean into one final forkful.

Stewie hasn't let up through the exchange; Brian's phone vibrates again but he's too nervous to answer, giving himself over to the divine pleasure of fucking the kid's throat. He lurches forward against the table as Stewie's tongue swirls around the tip, holding his head in one paw as he absently swirls his fork through pasta with the other.

He's breathing fast now; recognizes that intense tingly feeling of an oncoming orgasm.

Somebody _must_ be noticing this--

He fights to stay calm, even as Stewie is suckling at his flesh with fierce determination, right hand pumping the base of the shaft in time with his lips sliding down; Stewie's left hand tugging lightly at his balls, rubbing into his thighs, roaming aimlessly back and forth and daring to even reach higher to scratch at Brian's stomach.

His phone vibrates again, and Brian wonders how Stewie's finding the time - such a master at his craft that he can suck a guy dry and still fucking navigate his phone.

It's too much--

Brian drinks from his beer as he comes, crushing the can as he shakily brings it down hard against the table. He can feel Stewie swallow around him, throat contracting in minute tremors, lips bumping against his knot as he dutifully takes down what he can.

"Mmmmh--!"

Peter actually mimics him, then, crushing his can to the table as well, and letting out a satisfied "ahh" and an accompanying belch.

Lois and her offspring look on in vague confusion, until Chris finally joins the other Griffin men in slamming down his glass of soda, - "Aahh" - shattering it against the tabletop and sending the shards of glass that aren't now lodged in his hand, flying.

"Oh my God," Meg gasps.

Lois shouts Chris’ name in alarm, braced to help, but he’s gone - screaming and clutching his bloodied hand all the way out of the dining room and up the stairs to the bathroom. It's standard fare for Brian, unfazed as the ripples of his orgasm peter off and he's left sitting at the table panting open-mouthed as silently as he can handle.

It's as though a trance has been lifted, then, as Lois finally asks, "Where's Stewie?"

He can feel Stewie pulling away; no lips wrapped around him, no body heat at his knees. He doesn't expect Lois to be behind him, then, effectively locating her missing child a second later on the floor by his high chair; scooping him up and setting him down properly into his seat.

"There's my baby boy! What were you doing all the way down there?"

Brian's heartbeat is pounding in his ears as Lois examines her youngest son; he looks over in terror, heat rising in his face as the woman takes a napkin from the center of the table, tsking. Stewie had surely meant to escape unnoticed, cheeks flushed and damp from exertion, but it's the glob of come beneath his lip, the string of viscous white running down his chin that makes time stand still.

"You're so dirty," Lois coos affectionately, dabbing at Stewie's chin until he's clean.

The boy's eyes are wide and vacant as he allows his mother to clean him where he's been soiled; Brian's entire being vibrating on edge as he takes a careful forkful from the last of his meal and chews in slow motion.

"There we go.” She airplanes a serving of Stewie's neglected chicken alfredo into the kid's stunned, willing mouth, dabbing jovially at alfredo sauce now where ejaculate had just been. “In your mouth and not on your face."

And just when he’s feeling dizzy at the thought, Peter cracks open another beer, startling Brian to attention. He finally lets his gaze wander from the boy and his mother to his empty plate. He isn't sure of the state Stewie's left him in, waist down, but he risks standing; a quick survey of his fur tells him that Stewie had taken care of…well, most of the mess.

"What you need's a night out at the Clam with the boys," Peter says, ushering the dog into the living room with him. "That new lady of yours is messing you up."

Brian looks down at his phone - at the string of unread notifications from Stephanie that he just now has the wherewithal to check.

Stephanie  
  
**Brian)** Fuck  
  
**Stephanie)** You're no fun, Bri  
  
[Lewd photo of Stewie]  
  
**Stephanie)** Pleeease stop  
  
**Stephanie)** C  
  
**Stephanie)** Come on <3  
  
**Stephanie)** Let me take care of you  
  
**Stephanie)** Lol Quiet Brian >:-)  
  
**Stephanie)**...We need to work on ur diet  
  
[Stephanie is typing...]  
May 21, 2019 6:49 PM  
  


Peter's not wrong.

"Sure, Peter. You call the guys and we can head out in a bit," Brian says, sinking into the living room couch to finally relax and catch his breath for a second. Luckily his friend just nods and turns on the television to the evening news, chugging his beer in peace.

Brian's mind wanders to thoughts of Stewie, naturally. He sees - waits for - an incoming message that must be impossible to send; can hear Lois in there at the head of the table, clearing dishes and cooing in her son's direction, urging him to finish at least his broccoli. Stewie must be hating it, but Brian can't help but let a smug grin crawl over his lips. Serves him right.

The kid is really something else.

Brian's thumb hovers over his screen, wanting to write a million things at once, but ultimately opting not to reply to the kid for now. When Stewie's been tucked in for the night, maybe he'll spill his guts then; maybe he'll be too drunk, or just drunk enough. Maybe he'll finally send Stewie that selfie.

Maybe he'll send something a bit more lewd.

When Brian's phone dings for the last time that evening, it can only be one person. He unlocks his phone, a new life in him; frowns when he actually looks at the name in his notifications.

Chris  
  
**Chris)** can you pick me up from school brian?  
  
**Chris)** hello? brian?  
  
May 11, 2019 3:42 PM  
  
**Chris)** thanks a lot, douchebag  
  
May 12, 2019 12:57 AM  
  
**Chris)** i got the goods if u got the other goods  
  
**Brian)** How much?  
  
**Brian)** Chris??  
  
May 18, 2019 9:01 PM  
  
**Chris)**...stephanie's my brother, isn't she.  
  
May 21, 2019 6:56 PM  
  



End file.
